In Memoriam: Baby Gino

Just over a month ago, I could hardly believe that it was happening to me… To us. My excitement was contained – I knew that it was still early days but thanks to advancements in science, there it was – “Pregnant” – in digital no less.

We nicknamed you “Gino”, after our favourite sleazy Italian TV chef. Symptoms-wise, I began losing my appetite, feeling bloated and the occasional waves of nausea. Nothing too serious and definitely nothing to complain about. I was growing a baby!

Everything seemed fine until I woke up one day and realised that I was simply feeling too “myself” to be truly pregnant.

That was when I knew.. But everyone simply said that there isn’t one textbook pregnancy and that perhaps, I was just different/lucky.. Same same but different. I checked and my hormone levels were still rising, so I could do nothing else but hope for the best, be positive and pray that I was just being a worry-wart.

Well, the weeks came and went – I got my wish to tell your grandparents at the same time that I was pregnant. In hindsight, it’s funny that everything had worked out as I had planned.. Everyone was so happy πŸ™‚ Telling them made it feel even more real and helped to push aside my fears and worries, even though my gut was telling me to be prepared. For anything. It was still early days remember?

The day of the first ultrasound came, Gino, and I still distinctly remember Daddy telling Pocket that we were on our way to see you. To catch that flutter of a heartbeat which I imagined we would hear faintly, only to realise after that we had not been able to record it down for posterity. And then, we would laugh about it but safe in the knowledge that you’re OK. But that heartbeat – we never heard. Instead, I was sent home to rest for a couple of weeks, with the hope that you’ll catch up in growth. Those were the longest two weeks of my life.. Not knowing for certain and having to be positive but yet knowing instinctively to prepare myself for the worst.

You never did grow. 5 weeks and 4 days into your conception, I think someone made the decision that they wanted to make you even better for us. I was crushed but not as much as your Daddy was. Tears were shed and angry words exchanged but we had to accept the facts.

So, Gino, we’ll see you soon. Not now, but later. I’m sorry you can’t come play with Pocket just yet but know that Mummy and Daddy loved you so, even before we caught your little heart beating.. For the time being, I’ve had to put everything away because a lot reminds me of you and the past couple of months. I also hope you don’t mind that I laugh and smile a lot – I want to be well enough for you when you’re ready once more.

In your memory, I lit a candle on 15 October – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. See how things worked out? πŸ™‚ We were in time to honour you and all the angel babies other Mummies and Daddies have lost. I also treated myself to two Kimmi dolls – one is Rie who symbolises “Healing”, while the other is a surprise.. For the future πŸ™‚

Back… with a ban in tow!

a SHOPPING ban, that is!

Over Christmas, A. and I had a great break – our first proper break since the wedding. Yea, we’ve had the odd long weekend away but those just didn’t feel like BREAKS. This time round, we left Pocket with the in-laws and took off for a solid two weeks.

much MUCH needed. At the end of the holiday, A. said he had had such a good time – a FIRST! I was so happy that he was happy and had enjoyed himself. Nevermind we had one teensy little argument. I think we actually grew a lot closer during this break… I suppose it’s because we didn’t have wedding ANYTHING looming over our heads.

On this holiday, we were both also really good about not shopping. He had a few big expensive items on his list but because of the new build, he decided to be good and hold off on buying his things. We bought clothes here and there from brands like Uniqlo (since goddamit, we can’t get it in Perth) but nothing major, so we were very proud of ourselves πŸ˜€ *patpatpat*

When we got home and unpacked, however, I realised that I couldn’t properly shut some of my drawers and that I had run out of hangers! Now, the thing is, I really don’t buy very much for myself. I have clothes that I still properly fit into from erm… 5 years ago? My principle has always been that if my clothes don’t have holes in them or aren’t falling apart at the seams, I’ll keep them. Never know when you might wear that dress/shirt/shorts/skirt/jumper again right?

WRONG.

In the last couple of hours, I have managed to put away three full bags of clothes that were given to me/are too tight/look too old/have holes in them or that I’m just not going to wear again (seeing as how I haven’t worn them in the last 2 years!). I am going to give all these clothes away with NO REGRETS. I simply hate clutter. Knowing too that I’ll be moving soon is one of the biggest spring cleaning push factors.Β 

Even with these three bags going to the Salvation Army bins, I still have plenty of clothes – I’m definitely good for this coming year! Which thus led me to placing myself on a shopping ban for the next six months. You heard it here first – I will not be buying any new clothes from 10 January to 11 June 2014. Upon successfully completing these six months, I will assess my wardrobe situation and may extend the ban for another six months.

Now, the thing is, I am allowed costume jewellery/accessories because if you know me, I do not wear, much less own, any accessories save for earrings. That, my dear friends, will be the only things I can buy. And shoes but only IF NECESSARY. Trust me – my self-restraint is pretty damn good and I have my tight-arse-ness to thank πŸ˜›

As I’ve just returned to work, I’m still getting back into the swing of things. Once I’m all full steam ahead, I’ll do my first bake of the year! Stay tuned! Until then, send me lots of love and support – and I’ll reciprocate with regular updates on my self-imposed shopping ban πŸ™‚ xx

What’s in a baby person?

I’ll be honest – I’m one of those annoying people who coos over babies, puppies and kittens. I’ll gladly pick up a baby, ANY BABY, and sing to them, cradle and rock them in my arms and pepper them with lots of kisses.Β 

I suppose that makes me a “baby person”?Β 

I get that a lot – the whole, “Oh you’re wonderful with children!” I usually just put it down to me currently being a childcare worker but when I think about it, I have ALWAYS loved babies/toddlers/children. I don’t know what it is but I suppose I do have a way with them? And no, I don’t think it’s because of my wide repertoire of nursery rhymes πŸ˜›Β 

So I got to thinking – are you only a baby person because the baby isn’t yours? What if I’m horrible at bringing up my own child when the time comes? What if for some strange obscure reason my baby hates the sound of my voice and my bony arms? Why do I feel as if I have expectations to meet before I even have a child of my own?

Should I start being less of a baby person in public and just coo at baby pictures in private?

I’ve come to the conclusion that just as I’ve learnt to NOT ask married couples why they aren’t popping babies out and to NOT ask when they’re planning on doing so, I reckon we should, similarly, go easy on comments ranging from “WOW! You’re great with babies!” to “You’ll be so good when you have your own children.”

You’re welcome, however, to tell me that I’d be perfect as the next token Asian on Play School and The Wiggles. To that I’d say, hell yea! Call me, ABC πŸ™‚ Let’s talk.

xx

Monday Musings :: Forever in my heart

Slumped on the couch with a cold was not how I thought I’d usher in the new financial year.. Not that I had previously put in too much thought into HOW I’d actually celebrate the first of July but hey, this is sick lil’ ol’ me speaking so give me a break will ya? πŸ˜›

Thankfully, it’s been a beautiful winter’s day so I haven’t had to sit at home miserable AND cold. It’s so warm that when I took Pocket for a walk just a little while ago, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see someone decked out simply in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts!

I can’t believe the second half of 2013 is already on us! Before we know it, it’s going to be Christmas! Time really does fly, doesn’t it? And when it comes to Pocket, in particular, I really wish time could just stand still a little.

Not to sound morbid but sometimes when I look at Pocket, I start welling up because I know that he won’t be with us forever and I just cannot stand the thought of not having him by my side. I always chide myself for not spending a little more time with him. He never gets angry with me for not taking him out on more walks and is never upset when I yell at him for doing something wrong. He’s ALWAYS happy and excited to see me when I get home from wherever and also never ever fails to show such appreciation for FOOD – whether cooked by me or not.Β 

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You have brought so much joy and happiness into our lives Pocket baby πŸ™‚ You might not understand when Mummy whispers “I love you, Pocket” into your ear but I do it daily anyway because I know you can feel my love. Know that you are and forever will be in our hearts.Β 

I’m baaack!

BIG OOPS! After that rant of a post, I went MIA. My defense/excuse would be that I’ve been busy. What with, I have NO IDEA. But the reality is that I’ve been feeling uninspired. Writer’s block, y’know. So because words fail me right now, I’ll just share some Instagram pics πŸ™‚ Enjoy and have a lovely week ahead! xx

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How time does fly! This picture was taken a mere three weeks ago and now this beautiful autumnal coloured tree at Kindy has pretty much gone winter bare.

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My baby got a haircut! I can finally see his handsome face in all its glory again! Mummy and Daddy love you Pocket πŸ™‚

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I like to spoil myself on my days off and have a nice brekky! Bananas, Nutella, Toast, Chocolate Cake AND Coffee — Haven’t I just ticked all the boxes on that healthy food pyramid?! πŸ˜› Don’t be jealous now πŸ™‚

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And what do I do after a big brekky?! I hit the shops! And dressed up a little! Loving my new Amelia Swing Jumper* fromΒ Saba! By the way, my husband MADE me buy new clothes when we were in Melbourne *LOL* No. I’m serious. He really did.

*The Amelia Swing Jumper is currently on sale! HHHMMMM…. Should I get me another?? πŸ˜›

Stop Mollycoddling and Start Disciplining!

I’m just having one of those days where I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with parents who think their children are angels when they are well and truly out of control at Kindy. It also doesn’t help that childcare centres mollycoddle parents too because “the customer is always right”.

Australia – you people are NUTS. You take client satisfaction to a whole new level and I really don’t think that enforcing a “NO TIME-OUT” rule or avoiding the use of the word “NO” to a child will enhance their development greatly. Yes, you read right. Educators are not allowed to put unruly children aside for a minute to calm down – and think about what it is they’d done – nor are we allowed to say “No” to the children.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, buddy, to smack your friend on the head with that block but you’ve gone and done it, so here, take my hand. Let’s take a walk around the playground.”

Australia’s national early childhood learning standards have been working out SO WELL… Which explains the numerous children turned adults who are on handouts at the moment.

Well done, Australia! Well, bloody, done.

And for your information, I speak, read, write AND understand English PERFECTLY. And no, I’m not a genius. I have been using the English language since I was developmentally able to speak/read/write. Having small slitty eyes does not, in any way, inhibit my linguistic capabilities.

Let’s be honest now…

When I listen to people gush about how wonderful slash fun slash magical it was planning their wedding, I am, most times, very envious. Sometimes I just want to smack these people, but mostly, I’m just a little green.

To be honest, planning the wedding wasn’t great fun for me. It was a time so dotted with dark moments that I wish I didn’t have the photographic memory I possess for not so nice things. As an aside, I also have a knack for keeping track of birth dates.Β As much as the bad’s left a staleness that still lingers a little, I find that it’s also made me grow up a little. It would be very easy to point fingers and start shifting responsibility away from me but like they say, it takes two to clap.

Anyhow, with the wedding done and dusted, I can finally.. BREATHE. I don’t know if I might be alone on this but I really wanted the frivolities to be over with so that we could get on with our real life.Β 

In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

ImageYou drive me up the wall most days, bubs, but I do love you so… Thank you for loving us so much *hugs*